I've been sitting down trying to add some character defining moments for Stanley. He is too passive. Not doing anything but reacting makes him a rather dull main character. Right now I'm thinking of making him the ultimate looser for the first couple of pages and when he gets bitten I'll have him change gradually. Physically as well as mentally.
I hope I can pull it off. It's certainly not as easy as I thought initially.
måndag 17 oktober 2011
måndag 30 maj 2011
Another beginning for my screenplay
As a comparison to the last post concerning the beginning I'll post my previous version for you to ponder.
As I said earlier, the first page should make you want to keep reading otherwise the script probably won't be read by a producing company. It should also establish what kind of movie it's going to be, kind of like establishing a contract with the audience.
Fade in
“1975, Canada”
INT. BAR IN NORTHERN CANADA, AFTERNOON
A mixed crowd of people are sitting at the tables in the smoky and noisy room.
THE JUKEBOX
is playing something like Creedence Clearwater Revival.
A COUPLE OF ESKIMOOS
are talking and drinking.
OILWORKERS
are playing poker at their table.
TWO MEN AND TWO WOMEN
are throwing darts.
SAM AND VICTOR
in their thirties are sitting at the bar. They are industrial millionaires, best friends and have been bear hunting all day. Sam is broad shouldered with thinning hair. Victor is slighter built with a brittish look. Sam is showing Victor a SILVER BLADED HUNTING KNIFE with Navajo etchings.
SAM
I got this little BABY as a gift in New Mexico.
The Navajo that gave it to me claimed it would
protect med against EVIL SPIRITS! HA!
VICTOR
smiles at Sam and nods to the bartender.
VICTOR
Two more shots!
TWO ESKIMOO WOMEN
enters the bar. They are about 25 and good looking.
SAM
looks at them, smiles and winks with one eye.
CUTE ESKIMOO WOMAN
Smiles back and looks away shyly.
VICTOR V.O(CONTINUED)
Let’s see how well protected you are against
these evil spirits.
EXT. BAR, EVENING
It’s dark and the only lights are from the bar windows and the cottages in the village.
THE DOOR TO THE BAR
slams open filling the area outside with light and music. A drunken Sam staggers out, supported by the cute Eskimo woman.
EXT. COTTAGE, EVENING
SAM
fumbles with his keys in the lock.
THE MOON
is rising above the trees.
ESKIMO WOMAN
smiles malevolently as she sees the moon.
SAM
succeeds in opening the door.
SAM
Time for us to set the Aurora Borealis a
blaze.
He turns around.
ESKIMO WOMAN
pushes Sam against the wall, hugging and kissing him.
THE MOONLIGHT
hits them.
ESKIMO WOMAN
claws at Sam’s face with her nails and snarls. Her arms and face are hairy.
SAM(V.O)
FEISTY! The way I like a woman TO BE!
She turns into a wolf and jumps at his throat.
SAM
manages to get his SILVER BLADED KNIFE out and
CUT TO:
INT. BAKERY, DAY, PRESENT TIME
A KNIFE
cuts through a cake.
Legend “Los Angeles – Present day”
ASIAN MALE SHOP ASSISTANT
continues to slice up the cake. He is in his late 40s.
As I said earlier, the first page should make you want to keep reading otherwise the script probably won't be read by a producing company. It should also establish what kind of movie it's going to be, kind of like establishing a contract with the audience.
Fade in
“1975, Canada”
INT. BAR IN NORTHERN CANADA, AFTERNOON
A mixed crowd of people are sitting at the tables in the smoky and noisy room.
THE JUKEBOX
is playing something like Creedence Clearwater Revival.
A COUPLE OF ESKIMOOS
are talking and drinking.
OILWORKERS
are playing poker at their table.
TWO MEN AND TWO WOMEN
are throwing darts.
SAM AND VICTOR
in their thirties are sitting at the bar. They are industrial millionaires, best friends and have been bear hunting all day. Sam is broad shouldered with thinning hair. Victor is slighter built with a brittish look. Sam is showing Victor a SILVER BLADED HUNTING KNIFE with Navajo etchings.
SAM
I got this little BABY as a gift in New Mexico.
The Navajo that gave it to me claimed it would
protect med against EVIL SPIRITS! HA!
VICTOR
smiles at Sam and nods to the bartender.
VICTOR
Two more shots!
TWO ESKIMOO WOMEN
enters the bar. They are about 25 and good looking.
SAM
looks at them, smiles and winks with one eye.
CUTE ESKIMOO WOMAN
Smiles back and looks away shyly.
VICTOR V.O(CONTINUED)
Let’s see how well protected you are against
these evil spirits.
EXT. BAR, EVENING
It’s dark and the only lights are from the bar windows and the cottages in the village.
THE DOOR TO THE BAR
slams open filling the area outside with light and music. A drunken Sam staggers out, supported by the cute Eskimo woman.
EXT. COTTAGE, EVENING
SAM
fumbles with his keys in the lock.
THE MOON
is rising above the trees.
ESKIMO WOMAN
smiles malevolently as she sees the moon.
SAM
succeeds in opening the door.
SAM
Time for us to set the Aurora Borealis a
blaze.
He turns around.
ESKIMO WOMAN
pushes Sam against the wall, hugging and kissing him.
THE MOONLIGHT
hits them.
ESKIMO WOMAN
claws at Sam’s face with her nails and snarls. Her arms and face are hairy.
SAM(V.O)
FEISTY! The way I like a woman TO BE!
She turns into a wolf and jumps at his throat.
SAM
manages to get his SILVER BLADED KNIFE out and
CUT TO:
INT. BAKERY, DAY, PRESENT TIME
A KNIFE
cuts through a cake.
Legend “Los Angeles – Present day”
ASIAN MALE SHOP ASSISTANT
continues to slice up the cake. He is in his late 40s.
onsdag 25 maj 2011
The first scenes of my screenplay
These are the first couple of scenes of my script. The first page should attract peoples attention and make them turn the page to read on.
The format is a bit off but it's still readable. Please give me any feedback you may have.
A quick guide:
EXT: External as in outside or outdoors
V.O. : Voice only, a narrators voice or a voice from off scene.
Ursula's gift
EXT. SIDEWALK - DAY
A busy sidewalk in the morning with people hurrying to their jobs.
STANLEY (V.O.)
I never wanted to be a werewolf.
A tall, slim, handsome MAN in a black suit and white shirt is making his way along the sidewalk.
STANLEY (V.O.)
A vampire, certainly, yes, maybe. They have dignity. They have black suits and starched white shirts.
He stops at a zebra crossing. His black shoes are so shiny they reflect the passing cars.
STANLEY (V.O.)
They speak with charming accents, and their shoes are always shiny.
He crosses the road and bumps into a beutiful WOMAN who drops her handbag. Documents and makeup falls out. She curses.
STANLEY (V.O.)
Their victims are hypnotized with intense stares making them want it.
His eyes look at hers as he helps her pick up her stuff. She starts smiling.
STANLEY (V.O.)
And vampires are never poor. They have it all, everything. Except maybe a good tan.
The woman looks after the man as he continues down the sidewalk.
He walks past a werewolf movie poster posted to the wall of the building.
STANLEY (V.O.)
But a werewolf, no way. Werewolves are out of control. They lose it completely when struck by the rays of the full moon.
A FAT MAN also in an expensive suit is walking slowly, staring at the poster while at the same time failing to avoid being bumped into by the other passers by.
STANLEY (V.O.)
They cry and grab at their own sculls to crush the pain. The hands grow hair as the werewolf watch in panic.
EXT. BAKERY - DAY
The two men pass by a small bakery with delishious pastries on display in the window.
STANLEY (V.O.)
Human given over to the beast. Given over to hunger.
The handsome man passes the shop, the fat man enters it.
STANLEY (V.O.)
My name is Stanley Merriwether and this is my story.
The format is a bit off but it's still readable. Please give me any feedback you may have.
A quick guide:
EXT: External as in outside or outdoors
V.O. : Voice only, a narrators voice or a voice from off scene.
Ursula's gift
EXT. SIDEWALK - DAY
A busy sidewalk in the morning with people hurrying to their jobs.
STANLEY (V.O.)
I never wanted to be a werewolf.
A tall, slim, handsome MAN in a black suit and white shirt is making his way along the sidewalk.
STANLEY (V.O.)
A vampire, certainly, yes, maybe. They have dignity. They have black suits and starched white shirts.
He stops at a zebra crossing. His black shoes are so shiny they reflect the passing cars.
STANLEY (V.O.)
They speak with charming accents, and their shoes are always shiny.
He crosses the road and bumps into a beutiful WOMAN who drops her handbag. Documents and makeup falls out. She curses.
STANLEY (V.O.)
Their victims are hypnotized with intense stares making them want it.
His eyes look at hers as he helps her pick up her stuff. She starts smiling.
STANLEY (V.O.)
And vampires are never poor. They have it all, everything. Except maybe a good tan.
The woman looks after the man as he continues down the sidewalk.
He walks past a werewolf movie poster posted to the wall of the building.
STANLEY (V.O.)
But a werewolf, no way. Werewolves are out of control. They lose it completely when struck by the rays of the full moon.
A FAT MAN also in an expensive suit is walking slowly, staring at the poster while at the same time failing to avoid being bumped into by the other passers by.
STANLEY (V.O.)
They cry and grab at their own sculls to crush the pain. The hands grow hair as the werewolf watch in panic.
EXT. BAKERY - DAY
The two men pass by a small bakery with delishious pastries on display in the window.
STANLEY (V.O.)
Human given over to the beast. Given over to hunger.
The handsome man passes the shop, the fat man enters it.
STANLEY (V.O.)
My name is Stanley Merriwether and this is my story.
tisdag 24 maj 2011
The first couple of pages of my screenplay
I have been thinking about posting the first couple of pages of the screenplay on this blog for people to comment on. It will give me some feedback on how people react to one of the most important parts of the screenplay, plus I'm interested in seeing if people find it interesting enough to want to read more. I'll see if I can't get a few pages up here tomorrow.
söndag 17 april 2011
Shortening my screenplay.
So I actually managed to turn the book into a somewhat resonable script.. according to myself. The only problem right now is that a first script from a newbie screenwriter should not be over two hours long or they won't be played as much at move theatres, and given that one page is approximately one minute of film i now have almost three hours of script or 172 pages.
To cut this down I'm planning on going over the script scene by scene and see what actually happens in them so I can delete unnessary scenes. Scenes that evolve the character, push the story forward or have any other wanted quality should be kept but the rest should be thrown out like yesterdays trash.
Alternately I could actually move things from some scenes to other just to remove them if they don't make sense without that one part.
To cut this down I'm planning on going over the script scene by scene and see what actually happens in them so I can delete unnessary scenes. Scenes that evolve the character, push the story forward or have any other wanted quality should be kept but the rest should be thrown out like yesterdays trash.
Alternately I could actually move things from some scenes to other just to remove them if they don't make sense without that one part.
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